My daughter tells me when she grows up she wants to be mommy!
I am sure she knows what this means...to be a mommy.
She sees me working on the home trying to make it look the best it can.
Spending time with her day in and day out.
She knows what a MOMMY is.
Someone who is there.
I am glad to be here.
Though, I do get sick of laundry, dishes and all the mundane chores.
Let's face it though, if I was working those things would still be there.
So my time may be limited to only that on the weekends and at night.
As I am at home I have all the time I want to do it whenever, and take a few minutes to be with my little girl, and teach her what it means to be a MOMMY!
I do not condemn others for working outside of the home. Don't misunderstand me.
I am just grateful for the choice that I have made to stay home and be a MOMMY to my daughter. I am so lucky!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The challenge of not working
Okay, the toughest thing to me is relying on one income. I feel so helpless when it comes to the situation at hand.
My husband's job has been for some time on it's way out as the company has merged with another and declared bankruptcy. The end of this job is only a matter of time. No one has said anything to us about his job, but his company may cease to exist soon enough. This has made me sick to my stomach. I can only imagine how he must feel.
The hardest part about this whole thing to me is that I must give up my control of the situation and completely rely on my DH, to find work. I am making it my part time job to look for another for him. The thought of an eminent layoff is sickening to me.
So I am left to pray trust and rely on someone else.
That is one of the hardest parts of being an at home mom.
My husband's job has been for some time on it's way out as the company has merged with another and declared bankruptcy. The end of this job is only a matter of time. No one has said anything to us about his job, but his company may cease to exist soon enough. This has made me sick to my stomach. I can only imagine how he must feel.
The hardest part about this whole thing to me is that I must give up my control of the situation and completely rely on my DH, to find work. I am making it my part time job to look for another for him. The thought of an eminent layoff is sickening to me.
So I am left to pray trust and rely on someone else.
That is one of the hardest parts of being an at home mom.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
I CANNOT FAIL!
Just said goodbye to the Hubby again for another business trip. This has been a tough year.
He has gone on trips every other week for a 5-7 days each trip.
I am a single mother 50% of the time.
It makes me feel so lonely. Wouldn't I love some days to go to an office and pass my kids off to someone else. Engage in truly adult conversations. Have something more interesting to do then wipe bums, scrub toilets, dishes and do laundry.
At least when my husband is gone.
Everyone needs to feel valued, of some worth, challenged and praised. I know in all reality praise doesn't even come from co-workers and bosses. But in my line of work at home it doesn't always come from here either. So where do we find it?
The other day I was feeling very sorry for myself. Down on myself, tired, rundown and frustrated.
I was mad that I had to do dishes alone again, laundry again, I was wishing that some fairy or elf or something magical would just do it for me. I was angry, feeling like a slave driven by the need to just get it done, I needed clean dishes, that was the only reason I was even doing it.
I work so hard all the time. I was SICK OF IT.
I was even becoming resentful of the fact that I get left to do it all the time while my husband goes off on yet another trip or assignment for work. He doesn't see the day to day things that happen here. I was also simply bored of it.
I have yet to see a fairy do my dishes...don't think I haven't wished for one either. (Yes, my kids could, but they are not old enough yet!- Someday)
I was trying to get my house in order but the minute I would start cleaning my kitchen a need would arise and I would have to leave my duties and take care of my kids.
I was feeling undervalued and really just DONE with it all.
"This is all that I am good for, this is all I CAN do. I have a college degree and I have never used it. Why did I get one when all I had become was a frumpy, tired, bored old mom."
Wow, I was down.
I tried to get myself together I chocked my tears back, and swallowed my emotions down hard into my stomach, my husband was coming home at any minute I didn't want him to see me this way. I wanted to greet him with a smile on my face.
When he came in and he had had a rough day too, I didn't tell him about my thoughts until we had eaten and he'd had a chance talk to me about his hard day. I managed to laugh and smile and help him feel better. When I finally unloaded he let me cry and told me he loved me, thanked me for all that I do. Then the day ended. I dreaded the next.
I'd love to say that there is a happy ending to this and give some clever antidote to my story.
The truth is the feeling just past, I slept it off.
I woke up the next day and felt a little better, I was less discouraged and more willing to get it done. Nothing spectacular happened to make me happier. I prayed that night as usual, I cried that night then I slept.
I share this because I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I am not alone in this, although it feels that way alot.
It is okay to feel this way, it is a hard thing to be here 100% day in and day out, to always have a smile, to always feel good and joyful about what you do. It is hard to constantly give of yourself and then keep your own tank full eventually you run out of fuel. So, I knew I had come to this point. I needed to refuel. I needed rest, I hadn't been taking care of myself, physically, spiritually and emotionally. So I need to do that. I need to realize that I can not serve my family fully until I love myself, care for myself, and ask for help from family, friends and God.
This Job, to be a mother at home and give my children all I have requires more strength and more humilty and more prayers. I can't do it alone. When I try I fall, I burn and I crash.
I am not alone, I am not a slave. I am of worth to the greatest of all, MY FAMILY, and MY GOD.
Others will try to pull me down, but I am A MOTHER I cannot fail.
He has gone on trips every other week for a 5-7 days each trip.
I am a single mother 50% of the time.
It makes me feel so lonely. Wouldn't I love some days to go to an office and pass my kids off to someone else. Engage in truly adult conversations. Have something more interesting to do then wipe bums, scrub toilets, dishes and do laundry.
At least when my husband is gone.
Everyone needs to feel valued, of some worth, challenged and praised. I know in all reality praise doesn't even come from co-workers and bosses. But in my line of work at home it doesn't always come from here either. So where do we find it?
The other day I was feeling very sorry for myself. Down on myself, tired, rundown and frustrated.
I was mad that I had to do dishes alone again, laundry again, I was wishing that some fairy or elf or something magical would just do it for me. I was angry, feeling like a slave driven by the need to just get it done, I needed clean dishes, that was the only reason I was even doing it.
I work so hard all the time. I was SICK OF IT.
I was even becoming resentful of the fact that I get left to do it all the time while my husband goes off on yet another trip or assignment for work. He doesn't see the day to day things that happen here. I was also simply bored of it.
I have yet to see a fairy do my dishes...don't think I haven't wished for one either. (Yes, my kids could, but they are not old enough yet!- Someday)
I was trying to get my house in order but the minute I would start cleaning my kitchen a need would arise and I would have to leave my duties and take care of my kids.
I was feeling undervalued and really just DONE with it all.
"This is all that I am good for, this is all I CAN do. I have a college degree and I have never used it. Why did I get one when all I had become was a frumpy, tired, bored old mom."
Wow, I was down.
I tried to get myself together I chocked my tears back, and swallowed my emotions down hard into my stomach, my husband was coming home at any minute I didn't want him to see me this way. I wanted to greet him with a smile on my face.
When he came in and he had had a rough day too, I didn't tell him about my thoughts until we had eaten and he'd had a chance talk to me about his hard day. I managed to laugh and smile and help him feel better. When I finally unloaded he let me cry and told me he loved me, thanked me for all that I do. Then the day ended. I dreaded the next.
I'd love to say that there is a happy ending to this and give some clever antidote to my story.
The truth is the feeling just past, I slept it off.
I woke up the next day and felt a little better, I was less discouraged and more willing to get it done. Nothing spectacular happened to make me happier. I prayed that night as usual, I cried that night then I slept.
I share this because I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I am not alone in this, although it feels that way alot.
It is okay to feel this way, it is a hard thing to be here 100% day in and day out, to always have a smile, to always feel good and joyful about what you do. It is hard to constantly give of yourself and then keep your own tank full eventually you run out of fuel. So, I knew I had come to this point. I needed to refuel. I needed rest, I hadn't been taking care of myself, physically, spiritually and emotionally. So I need to do that. I need to realize that I can not serve my family fully until I love myself, care for myself, and ask for help from family, friends and God.
This Job, to be a mother at home and give my children all I have requires more strength and more humilty and more prayers. I can't do it alone. When I try I fall, I burn and I crash.
I am not alone, I am not a slave. I am of worth to the greatest of all, MY FAMILY, and MY GOD.
Others will try to pull me down, but I am A MOTHER I cannot fail.
Friday, September 25, 2009
One of these days I won't have to do it all. I know I don't do it all, I just can't do it all.
I gave up trying I started going crazy. As much as I love having a clean house and to have everything in it's place. My children undo all of my work. If I get the laundry put away.
SUCCESS! If I get my daughter out the door on time for schoool SUCCESS!
If I keep my cool when my son climbs on top of the table and empties a box of cheerios...SUCCESS!
This is when I ask myself seriously, is it worth trying? Well, yes to keep things livable, but not perfect. I need to stop being mortified when my house is dirty and people come over. For goodness sakes I am only human. I have to admit I hit a wall at least once a month where I don't want to do it anymore. Be a mom, yes, clean, no! If I where being paid for my job I would have been fired, for not fulfilling all my duties. However, My duties to clean the house are not the only thing in my job description.
My kids are bathed and happy today! HAPPY! That is my job. I am to be happpy, help my children feel loved and have a happy life. That is, on somedays, a very tough job. They are not loveable always (MOST OF THE TIME they are) but not always.
I think I have been lucky, my kids are good most of the time. I think they have to be or I wouldn't be able to handle it. I do not always have a lot of patience.
Okay, so I went to the store yesterday to hit the case lot sale, (spagettios, mac and cheese, who doesn't need a storage room full of these goodies). It always starts out pretty good, then my one year old escapes his straps yet again. So I am having to hold him down. 5 year old needs to go potty although we went before we left the house. Rush to the bathroom, get that done, now back to the shopping. 3 year old announces I need to go potty. (FRUSTRATION) Yes, I should have taken her with my 5 year old, I figured she'd gone right before also. Again we treck to the bathroom, CLOSED FOR CLEANING...no please not now. Upstairs open not going to work for me. I have a gocery cart full can't leave it. The worker let us use it anyway. I love when people understand children's needs. NOW I AM ASKING MYSELF, "WHY DO I TRY?"
The drama is done and we are at home. Alone, I put kids to bed (Hubby's on a bussiness trip).
Watch T.V. fall asleep and wake up to start over again.
When I wake up I find my toddler talking to himself as I come in to get him....A BIG GRIN! "HAH!" he says (that is hi) as I pick him up and he just bubbles with excitement to be alive another day! That is what it is about! THAT IS IT! My excitement wears thin as time presses on. As laundry piles up, and the dishes grow like mushrooms in the rain.
When I get that moment from my kids that excitement to just be alive, I too can make it another day, or even just one more minute. NOT for my dishes, or laundry. But to stop, play outside, read, play and love the moments that fly away so quickly.
A fun Mommy note:
I love my Hubby and it is fun to watch him be Daddy.
I think he is so attractive when he is playing with the kids on the floor and building towers or playing ponies with my kids.
I love listening to him read a story using funny voices and sounds, laughing and playing with the children. That is a sexy man to me.
I gave up trying I started going crazy. As much as I love having a clean house and to have everything in it's place. My children undo all of my work. If I get the laundry put away.
SUCCESS! If I get my daughter out the door on time for schoool SUCCESS!
If I keep my cool when my son climbs on top of the table and empties a box of cheerios...SUCCESS!
This is when I ask myself seriously, is it worth trying? Well, yes to keep things livable, but not perfect. I need to stop being mortified when my house is dirty and people come over. For goodness sakes I am only human. I have to admit I hit a wall at least once a month where I don't want to do it anymore. Be a mom, yes, clean, no! If I where being paid for my job I would have been fired, for not fulfilling all my duties. However, My duties to clean the house are not the only thing in my job description.
My kids are bathed and happy today! HAPPY! That is my job. I am to be happpy, help my children feel loved and have a happy life. That is, on somedays, a very tough job. They are not loveable always (MOST OF THE TIME they are) but not always.
I think I have been lucky, my kids are good most of the time. I think they have to be or I wouldn't be able to handle it. I do not always have a lot of patience.
Okay, so I went to the store yesterday to hit the case lot sale, (spagettios, mac and cheese, who doesn't need a storage room full of these goodies). It always starts out pretty good, then my one year old escapes his straps yet again. So I am having to hold him down. 5 year old needs to go potty although we went before we left the house. Rush to the bathroom, get that done, now back to the shopping. 3 year old announces I need to go potty. (FRUSTRATION) Yes, I should have taken her with my 5 year old, I figured she'd gone right before also. Again we treck to the bathroom, CLOSED FOR CLEANING...no please not now. Upstairs open not going to work for me. I have a gocery cart full can't leave it. The worker let us use it anyway. I love when people understand children's needs. NOW I AM ASKING MYSELF, "WHY DO I TRY?"
The drama is done and we are at home. Alone, I put kids to bed (Hubby's on a bussiness trip).
Watch T.V. fall asleep and wake up to start over again.
When I wake up I find my toddler talking to himself as I come in to get him....A BIG GRIN! "HAH!" he says (that is hi) as I pick him up and he just bubbles with excitement to be alive another day! That is what it is about! THAT IS IT! My excitement wears thin as time presses on. As laundry piles up, and the dishes grow like mushrooms in the rain.
When I get that moment from my kids that excitement to just be alive, I too can make it another day, or even just one more minute. NOT for my dishes, or laundry. But to stop, play outside, read, play and love the moments that fly away so quickly.
A fun Mommy note:
I love my Hubby and it is fun to watch him be Daddy.
I think he is so attractive when he is playing with the kids on the floor and building towers or playing ponies with my kids.
I love listening to him read a story using funny voices and sounds, laughing and playing with the children. That is a sexy man to me.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
My Cape is Torn
I suited up to start my day
My boots, my belt and my stretchy tights.
My cape is the last to adorn,
But low and behold my cape is torn.
How it ripped I do not know,
Let me think, how did the day go?
Did it tear as I rescued a cat from a tree?
Or did the hole come from the fire,
Or maybe when I stopped a train that got free.
Or caught the theif as he tripped on a wire.
NO, I did the dishes yesterday!
I Did the laundry, cleaned the floors and gave my kids a bath.
I did the shopping, paid the bills, planned a menu, cooked the meals.
Balanced the budget, washed the car, sang to my baby "twinkle little star".
Bandaged a knee, wiped a tear, toddler walked- gave a cheer.
Changed some diapers lost count at ten only to do it all again.
Added to my pile to mend, Some jeans, some socks and one "special friend."
Built a tower knocked it down.
Fixed a broken princess crown.
Somewhere in that super day my cape was torn I cannot say.
So I toss again to my growing pile my cape for the mending.
I won't get to that for a while.
Even in my day of glory the best part of my super story,
The hugs and the kisses, laughs and the smiles.
I feel like a hero and can fly for miles.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Why I started this blog...
I have been inspired to write my daily successes and daily struggles of being a Stay at Home Mom.
I have been reading Dr. Laura's book "In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms".
I have been really enjoying this book.
It has, so far, been an inspiring message as I am a SAHM (Stay-at-home-mom).
I have been at home with my kids since my oldest Madi was born.
I knew as did my husband that this was the way that we wanted it to be.
Almost 6 years and three children later, I haven't worked outside of my home.
Have I loved every minute of it? NO!
Am I grateful to have the chance to be at home? YES! YES! YES!
Don't ask me that question when I am scrubbing throw up out of carpets, or have reached my limit with the KIDS! YES, I have limits, don't we all?
Anyone who knows me, has seen me reach that limit.
Let's just say that a pregnant hot tired mom and a 2 1/2 year old do not mix.
That is just one scene, there are many almost daily.
I would like to start my Diary with success of today, and hey it is only 11:00 in the Morning!
I made french toast this morning for breakfast (not something I could do if I was headed to work.) I got a "fantastic and terrific" and 20 points for the days breakfast- don't know how the points work out. But it must have been good because I have never received points before.
(Though I am sure I have deserved them on other occassions.)
I have also been thinking a lot about Dr. Laura's book, this has changed my attitude a bit.
I need to rest more. Dr. Laura told me too. This is so that I can make my home a sanctuary. A place of refuge and when my husband comes home he can feel that I am not stressed, over tired or overworked so that I can be his WIFE too.
I am not home with my children to make the house perfect but to make my house a "perfect home." Doesn't mean it is clean in every corner, or all the laundry is folded and put away.
But I have stopped to play with my beautiful children. To help my baby learn to walk.
Read the book that my 3 year old picked out for just she and I to read together, and answer my five year olds questions (There are many).
Taking that time yesterday to play with my children and give them what they needed meant I had to choose not to take a shower. (Don't worry I got one today! Another success I'd say!)
I also got to thinking, with all the things that I do day to day, I don't think I could ever make time to work....I don't know how anyone can do it.
I am just gratefull I don't have to.
I have been reading Dr. Laura's book "In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms".
I have been really enjoying this book.
It has, so far, been an inspiring message as I am a SAHM (Stay-at-home-mom).
I have been at home with my kids since my oldest Madi was born.
I knew as did my husband that this was the way that we wanted it to be.
Almost 6 years and three children later, I haven't worked outside of my home.
Have I loved every minute of it? NO!
Am I grateful to have the chance to be at home? YES! YES! YES!
Don't ask me that question when I am scrubbing throw up out of carpets, or have reached my limit with the KIDS! YES, I have limits, don't we all?
Anyone who knows me, has seen me reach that limit.
Let's just say that a pregnant hot tired mom and a 2 1/2 year old do not mix.
That is just one scene, there are many almost daily.
I would like to start my Diary with success of today, and hey it is only 11:00 in the Morning!
I made french toast this morning for breakfast (not something I could do if I was headed to work.) I got a "fantastic and terrific" and 20 points for the days breakfast- don't know how the points work out. But it must have been good because I have never received points before.
(Though I am sure I have deserved them on other occassions.)
I have also been thinking a lot about Dr. Laura's book, this has changed my attitude a bit.
I need to rest more. Dr. Laura told me too. This is so that I can make my home a sanctuary. A place of refuge and when my husband comes home he can feel that I am not stressed, over tired or overworked so that I can be his WIFE too.
I am not home with my children to make the house perfect but to make my house a "perfect home." Doesn't mean it is clean in every corner, or all the laundry is folded and put away.
But I have stopped to play with my beautiful children. To help my baby learn to walk.
Read the book that my 3 year old picked out for just she and I to read together, and answer my five year olds questions (There are many).
Taking that time yesterday to play with my children and give them what they needed meant I had to choose not to take a shower. (Don't worry I got one today! Another success I'd say!)
I also got to thinking, with all the things that I do day to day, I don't think I could ever make time to work....I don't know how anyone can do it.
I am just gratefull I don't have to.
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